Navigating Relationships: Understanding “The Four Horsemen”
Ah, relationships. The very word invokes an array of emotions — from love, joy, and passion to fear, anger, and frustration. Everyone who’s been in a relationship knows that they can be as unpredictable as the weather. But thanks to Dr. John Gottman’s extensive research, we have a roadmap to navigate these choppy waters.
Dr. Gottman’s research on couples has given us the term “The Four Horsemen.” No, this isn’t about the apocalypse, but it refers to four negative patterns of communication that, if not addressed, can predict the end of a relationship. They are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
1. Criticism
Criticism is not just expressing dissatisfaction; it’s attacking the character of the person. It’s the difference between saying, “I’m upset you forgot our date night” and “You always forget things. You don’t care about this relationship.”
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that couples who engage in harmful behaviors, like criticism, are less satisfied in their relationships. The stats are telling: couples that avoid these patterns have a much higher chance of staying together and…
