Spontaneous or Preplanned. Which sex is better?

Edy Zoo
3 min readJun 17, 2023
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Let’s not beat around the bush: the notion of scheduling sex can feel about as romantic as filling out a tax return. A common belief is that sex should always be spontaneous, a spur-of-the-moment passion, for it to be truly satisfying. However, when life gets hectic, can planning intimacy become the secret to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life? Today, we’re cutting through the mystery and diving into the age-old debate: spontaneous versus scheduled sex.

Spontaneous sex, with its surprise element, often holds the spotlight in our cultural narrative, thanks to Hollywood’s steamy portrayals. It is true that the unpredictability can add a dash of excitement to intimacy, enhancing emotional connection and boosting sexual satisfaction. When sex is spontaneous, it tends to feel more passionate, often fueled by the thrill of the unexpected.

However, singing only spontaneous sex’s praises can obscure a significant truth: this spontaneity might not always align with reality. Hectic schedules, increasing responsibilities, and everyday stressors can often push intimacy to the backburner, leading to less frequent sexual encounters. Enter scheduled sex, a phrase that might seem devoid of passion but holds the potential to nurture a fulfilling sexual relationship.

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Edy Zoo

Edy Zoo is a social critic, theologian, and philosopher who writes about social subjects.