Why Using Pronouns is a Matter of Basic Respect and Dignity
As humans evolve, their society evolves, too. Matters, once held sacred, cease to be hallowed; taboos, once held anathema, cease to be loathing. It’s the nature of the entire mechanism. When the parts change, ultimately, the apparatus changes.
That said, one thing has changed recently in American society. Slowly, we’ve learned to loosen up the chains of ashamed dogma. We no longer fear the dusty pages of the Bible. Instead, we recognize that human dignity and acceptance are the actual messages of a long-forgotten gospel…. What is a person except who they view themselves as? And, what is a people except different individuals with distinct idiosyncrasies, personalities, identities?
When I think about these questions, I can’t help but recall Anna — a transgender woman I know. Not long ago, she told me about an experience she had at a local brewery. She was meeting with some friends who wanted her to socialize more and escape her shell. They were going to introduce her to some of their friends. She agreed hesitantly. However, one thing led to another: she arrived a little late, causing her nervousness to spike as she walked into the busy room.
She knew the usual routine — introducing herself and then waiting for someone to use the wrong pronouns. Yet this time was different. Her friends had already introduced her properly. So when one of the new acquaintances turned and said, “Nice to meet you, Anna. She/her, right?” Anna felt a rush of relief. She felt truly seen and accepted by a stranger for the first time in a long time. With a shy smile, she said, “Yes, she/her. Thank you for asking.” At that moment, simply using her pronouns created a safe space where Anna could be herself without fear.
What Do The Numbers Say?
Of late, the issue of gender identity and pronoun usage has exploded, demanding attention. Stats paint a vivid picture: many Americans are encountering transgender individuals in their lives, with 42% personally knowing someone who is transgender, up from 37% just a few years ago (Minkin & Brown, 2021).
The figures don’t stop there:
- A staggering 26% now know someone who prefers gender-neutral pronouns, a significant jump from previous years (Minkin & Brown, 2021).
- A YouGov poll from August 2022 revealed that 74% of Americans would be comfortable using a gender-neutral pronoun to refer to someone, and 26% said they would be uncomfortable. The poll also found that 43% of Americans believe only people who want to should say or display their pronouns (Ballard, 2022).
- The Trevor Project’s research from July 2020 showed that 25% of LGBTQ+ youth use they/them exclusively, a combination of he/him, she/her, or they/them, or neopronouns like ze/zir or fae/faer (The Trevor Project, 2020).
- A Newsweek poll commissioned by Redfield & Wilton Strategies found that around 60% of millennial respondents between 25 and 44 favored workplaces requiring gender pronouns in emails. In comparison, just 40% of Gen Z respondents aged 18 and 24 supported the idea (Beresford, 2023).
- The same Newsweek poll also indicated that nearly 50% of Gen Z respondents opposed including pronouns in work emails (Beresford, 2023).
- A study from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) mentioned that 56% of Generation Z respondents know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns, a significant increase from previous generations (Martin, Choporis, & White, 2020).
However, comfort levels are still a battleground; as seen above, 40% of Gen Z approved using gender pronouns in emails, meaning 60% thought differently. Likewise, the YouGov poll highlights 26% of Americans disfavoring gender-neutral pronouns. Of course, Americans are warming up to the idea, yet a group still lags, which hints at the underlying human experience.
We must face it: we are diverse. And our reasons for navigating this fascinating life are equally diverse. Sure, there’s a strong case for adopting pronouns; some argue that doing so violates their freedom of speech. Yet, this view overlooks that free speech isn’t absolute, particularly when it causes harm. Using pronouns isn’t censorship; it’s about creating a safer, more inclusive world.
I digress. Before we pass judgment, let’s explore the reasons for resisting pronouns. Here’s a breakdown:
Ideological and Religious Beliefs
- “Biological Reality”: Some insist pronouns must reflect biological sex, not chosen gender. They see sex as fixed, like age, and using pronouns differently as denying reality.
- Conflicting Worldviews: Using someone’s pronouns can feel like accepting a worldview where gender identity is separate from biological sex. This may clash deeply with someone’s beliefs.
- Free Speech vs. Compelled Speech: Some feel mandated pronoun usage limits their speech, forcing them to say things they disagree with.
- Religious Convictions: Certain faiths define strict gender roles. Using pronouns that don’t match a person’s biological sex can feel like contradicting religious teachings.
Practical and Linguistic Concerns
- Complexity and Confusion: With new pronouns and diverse gender identities, some worry about misusing them and causing offense.
- Neutral Language Preference: Others opt for gender-neutral terms, seeing this as respectful without needing to track individual pronouns.
Personal and Ethical Considerations
- Integrity and Self-Expression: Using pronouns that conflict with one’s beliefs may feel like betraying oneself or being dishonest.
- Rejecting Ideological Pressure: Pronoun advocacy can be seen as imposing a specific worldview, prompting resistance as a form of protest.
Safety and Privacy Concerns
- Potential Harm: In certain situations, disclosing pronouns could create safety risks, particularly where being transgender is dangerous. This raises valid concerns about when pronoun usage is appropriate.
Pronouns as Acceptance: A Simple Act, a Powerful Gesture
For many transgender and non-binary individuals, pronouns are more than words — they’re a lifeline to validation and belonging. When their chosen pronouns are disregarded, the impact is visceral; it slices at their sense of self, leaving wounds of invalidation. To them, it’s not about politics or correctness; it’s about basic respect and human dignity.
International human rights laws unequivocally assert that every individual deserves respect, irrespective of their gender identity. However, the refusal to acknowledge someone’s chosen pronouns constitutes a clear form of discrimination, erecting barriers to acceptance and perpetuating hostility.
Allow me to reiterate: disregarding pronouns isn’t just brushing aside feelings; it’s a direct blow to the very essence of transgender individuals’ well-being. Research lays bare the brutal truth: discrimination and societal stigma are like sledgehammers relentlessly pounding on their mental health. To underline what I just said, look at the statistics; they are chilling — suicide attempts in this community skyrocketed to a staggering 41%, a jarring contrast to the national average (Wilson et al., 2016). Tragically, it’s transgender female youth who bear the weightiest burden, forced to confront a world rife with discrimination, PTSD, and the suffocating grip of depression.
Indeed, there’s hope on the horizon via gender-affirming medical interventions. Early access to hormone therapy improves the survival rate, cutting down suicidal ideation and lifting the oppressive fog of major mental disorders. Similarly, gender-affirming surgeries offer a reprieve, shielding individuals from the relentless onslaught of depression and anxiety and providing a pathway to reclaim their identities shattered by societal prejudice. These interventions aren’t just medical procedures — they’re lifeboats tossed into the storm, guiding transgender individuals back to the shores of peace and acceptance.
I concede that acknowledging pronouns may appear trivial initially, but its resonance is seismic. For those grappling with the tangled web of gender identity, it’s the difference between being acknowledged and being erased. It’s a seemingly small act with monumental implications.
Navigating pronouns isn’t always smooth sailing. It demands patience, empathy, and a willingness to shed ingrained biases. But with concerted effort, we can cultivate an environment where everyone’s pronouns are not only acknowledged but revered.
I leave you with these final words. Danica Roem, a trailblazing figure in politics and journalism, once walked the halls of government. In a pivotal moment, someone questions her about being transgender, expecting a qualifier or disclaimer. But Roem, with a firm yet gentle tone, responds,
“I never say ‘trans but,’ always’ trans and.’ Because it’s like, no, I don’t hide who I am. People know exactly who I am here.”
In choosing to say “trans and,” Roem encapsulates her unwavering commitment to living authentically. For her, being transgender is not an afterthought or a footnote; it’s an integral part of her identity.
Like Roem, individuals similar to Anna find empowerment and validation in embracing their identities without reservation. Through Roem’s words, they see a beacon of hope — a reminder that their identities are not something to be hidden or ashamed of but celebrated and embraced. And in that moment, as they stand tall in their truth, they feel a sense of belonging and acceptance that transcends words.
References
Ballard, J. (2022, August 2). How Americans feel about gender-neutral pronouns in 2022. Retrieved from YouGov: https://today.yougov.com/politics/articles/43310-how-americans-gender-neutral-pronouns-2022-poll
Beresford, J. (2023, August 24). Millennials Want Gender Pronouns on Work Emails, but Many in Gen Z Don’t. Retrieved from Newsweek: https://www.newsweek.com/millennials-gen-z-workplace-pronouns-emails-1797270
Martin, G., Choporis, L., & White, B. (2020, May 28). What are Gender Pronouns? Why Do They Matter? Retrieved from National Institute of Health: https://www.edi.nih.gov/blog/communities/what-are-gender-pronouns-why-do-they-matter
Minkin, R., & Brown, A. (2021, July 27). Rising shares of U.S. adults know someone who is transgender or goes by gender-neutral pronouns. Retrieved from Pew Research Center: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/07/27/rising-shares-of-u-s-adults-know-someone-who-is-transgender-or-goes-by-gender-neutral-pronouns/
Murray, M. (2023, June 8). Poll shows sharp divides over gender identity, pronoun use. Retrieved from NBC News: https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meetthepressblog/poll-shows-sharp-divides-gender-identity-pronoun-use-rcna88058
The Trevor Project. (2020, July 29). Pronouns Usage Among LGBTQ Youth. Retrieved from The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/pronouns-usage-among-lgbtq-youth/
Wilson, E. C., Chen, Y.-H., Arayasirikul, S., Raymond, H. F., & McFarland, W. (2016, October 20). The impact of discrimination on the mental health of trans*female youth and the protective effect of parental support. Retrieved from National Library of Medicine: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5025345/
